Undertones singer-turned-anti-sewage campaigner Feargal Sharkey has been fighting shit on multiple fronts. The latest turd of a tall-tale is from the very government body – the Department for Environment, Food, and Rural Affairs (Defra) – responsible for mopping up the almighty mess of a regulatory system on sewage.
This is because, Defra now has the audacity to claim it’s “taking rapid action” on polluters – when it couldn’t be clearer the Labour Party government is doing nothing of the sort.
And notably, Defra’s latest exercise in pumping out PR bullshit has made one thing patently apparent. That is, the government’s key environment arm should really be renamed Department for doing diddly squat on sewage pollution.
Don’t look now, Defra is going to do bugger all to bring big sewage polluters to heel
On Sunday 13 April, Defra was out blowing its own trumpet full of bullshit all over X:
Does anyone actually believe any of this nonsense? https://t.co/IY6C0Gr5k4
— Feargal Sharkey (@Feargal_Sharkey) April 14, 2025
As Feargal Sharkey highlighted however, the little PR stunt is not really all as it seems.
For one, the plans it hyped up are not really news, because they’re not actually anything new.
The government had previously announced £104bn of private sector investment. But, when you put this in the context of the dividends and bonuses companies have paid out, it looks a lot less ‘new’ investment, than playing catching up. As the Canary’s James Wright recently underscored:
Water and sewage companies have paid out £73 billion in dividends since Margaret Thatcher initiated privatisation. Additionally, the average pay for water and sewage company CEOs in England is around £1.7m. And they have received £25m in bonuses and incentives since 2019.
Thanks to all that rank profiteering, consumer bills are over a third what they should be.
And, there’s another huge problem there too. Notably, there’s nothing stopping these profit-skimming racketeers from passing the costs of this investment to consumers:
Over the next 12 months, UK households will be charged an estimated £17bn for water.
Even if costs were frozen for 10 years, that’s £170bn in a decade.Just nationalise the whole damn thing. It would cost less, the service couldn’t be worse, & we’ll never get control without it. https://t.co/NRYZkL7xOE
— thehighcliffeguy (@AdamHighcliffe) April 14, 2025
We already know spineless industry regulator Ofwat sure as hell isn’t going to stop them. It is, after all beholden to a ‘growth duty’, which goes some way to explaining its pitiful record protecting the public from private water’s de facto persistent price-gouging. That is, after all, privatised public services and human rights in a nutshell.
Ofwat just laying cover for the industry like usual
Then, there’s the bosses’ bonus ban. It’s part of the government’s new law, that parliament passed in September 2024. The Water (Special Measures) Act came into force in February.
Is the ban painfully close, but no cigar on the concerted change that needs to happen? Not even that.
Here’s what Defra’s bluster-fuck has actually meant so far. Yes, the new Act does mean regulators can ban bosses’ bonuses. No, that doesn’t mean it will actually do it on anything like the scale the slimy water company CEOs deserve. Water regulator Ofwat told the Guardian in March that it was:
near-certain to ban some water CEO bonuses this year.
That ‘near’ and ‘some’ is obviously doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that statement. In other words, what the regulator was saying, was that it’s going to take action on a handful, if that, of company CEOs to make it look like it’s taking this “rapid action”. As ever with this half-assed Labour government, it’s all about the strongman optics.
All that’s only after a consultation anyway, because if there’s one thing this Labour Party shitshow love, it’s a kicking-the-can-down-the-road consultation.
And, it doesn’t really get better when you look at what Ofwat is actually proposing. For instance, it suggests that the government could prohibit bonuses if:
the company has received a 1-star (“poor performing”) rating in the Environmental Performance Assessment (EPA) for the calendar year preceding the end of the PRP [performance related executive pay] payment year.
Might that be the abysmally pointless and failing star-rating system that’s let sewage companies score “industry leader” level ratings while pumping UK waterways full of crap?
Labour previously indicated it is mooting tinkers to this which will deny companies “the highest score” if they mark down poorly in the sewage discharge metric. See the problem here yet?
Water companies might not get a full sweep if they maintain their sewage-polluting ways, but they could still wrack up two, or even three stars thanks to other metrics. Meaning, in other words, they won’t fall foul of Ofwat’s “1-star (“poor performing”) rating”.
As Feargal Sharkey spelled out at the time, CEOs from the likes of big polluters Severn Trent, and United Utilities basically used the ranking system to their advantage:
The @EnvAgency stupid writ large.
Conceived as a name and shame them exercise the Environmental Assessment was supposed to ‘nudge’ WCs into good behaviour turns out it had exactly the opposite effect. CEOs just used it to blag bigger bonuses. Ho hum.https://t.co/m5ry3Kt7dt
— Feargal Sharkey (@Feargal_Sharkey) August 20, 2024
Apparently though, toothless Ofwat’s new plan to lay cover for the industry will mean that they hardly even need the top ranking. Anything more than one star – bonuses all round (for the execs that is).
Water pollution criminals get their comeuppance? Don’t be ridiculous
Moreover, as Sharkey has previously pointed out, why should it stop at the water company CEOs? The privatisation buck sure as hell doesn’t stop at them, so the ban shouldn’t either.
That is, the government should be going after the scummy private investors that ultimately profiteer a pretty penny out of pumping our waterways full of poo. Name and shame, and ban the bonuses of the banks, the hedge funds, the big shareholders. Like, for instance, the former Thames Water owner and “vampire kangaroo” Macquarie that left London’s sewage infrastructure a leaking, dripping state of disrepair and made off with all the profits.
And if you thought literal criminal records could put a stop to CEOs paying themselves handsome payouts, think again. Ofwat thinks that there should be “exceptions”. Supposedly, this would apply where courts determine there is “low/no harm or culpability”.
Paging another on-point dress-down from Feargal Sharkey, who’s previously articulated just how useless will be in practice too. Look at all the criminal prosecutions UK governments have taken out on water company bosses:
“Water company bosses could face prison time in new Labour crackdown on sewage infested rivers, lakes and seas.”
That idea is already part of the Companies Act and has been for almost 20 years. Wanna know how many company bosses have ever been prosecuted never mind gone to jail…
— Feargal Sharkey (@Feargal_Sharkey) September 5, 2024
The only potential saving grace might be the bonus ban plan for companies wracking up financial penalties.
Here’s Thames Water in all its financial penalty glory. Pathetic slaps on the wrist to be sure, but if in future these prohibit bosses’ bonuses, that’s one small boon. However, there’s a catch again. It would ONLY apply to fines from Ofwat over “consumer matters”. So it wouldn’t be for fines from other regulatory bodies like the Environment Agency.
This ties in with new regulatory powers the Labour Party introduced in February 2024. The new rules would enable Ofwat to impose fines of up to 10% of the company’s turnover.
Again though, let’s be real – Ofwat is still only on the consultation stage of this – meaning that no companies to date have received such penalties.
Reeking of reputation management over sewage chaos
Call it whatever else you like, but a bunch of pending consultations does not for “rapid action” make. If it even makes for ‘action’ at all.
We might be gracious and give the gov the benefit of the doubt, if, a big IF, it weren’t for the small fact that, it has done basically bugger all to date.
So when all is said and done, Defra has shit spewing out its PR-mongering orifice too, as one unconvinced X user aptly put:
You talk shit, too. https://t.co/Q2ZtqqMMQx
— Chris Maslanka (@ChrisMaslanka) April 14, 2025
The Defra post reeking of government reputation and crisis management? Say no more.
It’s more masterclass in Orwellian double-think than doubling down on big polluters at the end of the day:
This needs a rewrite:
For years and years (decades), Defra and its agencies have systematically failed in their regulatory duty to stop destructive water companies from killing our home rivers. https://t.co/DSzBxuMpnl— WelshRiversUnion🐟🦆🌳 (@wrurestore) April 14, 2025
In fact, it’s astonishing the department could drum up any achievements amid the stinking pile of failures it has to its name. Instead, one person on X was ready and raring to rattle off an example of water company sewage crimes the government has done nothing to redress:
Cranfleet lock, sawley Derbyshire Saturday 6am, seventrent water ,no rain for 2 weeks ,still dumping crap everyday for the last 5 years !!!! Keep up the great work you’re not doing !!!!! pic.twitter.com/8WKTYcjxj3
— MrG_Pappa_G_LE (@GodsallStephen) April 14, 2025
So, like Defra says: #TheBoatRace2025, am I right?
Here, here, Feargal Sharkey
Yet, even the middle class and upper elite echelons of the Oxford Vs Cambridge University annual boat race haven’t been buying it. On 9 April, Oxford rowers lambasted the appalling levels of sewage in the Thames. Notably, three members of last year’s race came down with stomach bugs before the race.
To sum up then:
- Thames Water gets a £3bn bailout after filling our rivers full of shit,
- The public foot the bill for water company chronic underinvestment (again),
- and Defra is being all middle class raging at the establishment machine “I’ll write an email” about it with another round of weak consultations.
When all is said and done, Defra to “put an end” to sewage pollution my ass.
Featured image via the Canary
