Emperor Hadrian had a simple dream:
The Roman Empire is going to build a wall, and the Celts are paying for it!
Despite this mighty wall, a conniving orange migrant has somehow managed to slip into Scotland.
Invasion
Speaking about the sudden influx of dangerous migrants, Nicola Sturgeon said:
These orange people are animals. Seriously. It’s an invasion. You should see how these people treat their women. And crime? Bigly these orange windbags do crime.
It’s a great shame. They’re coming over here to try and change the way we live. The sad fact is America just isn’t sending us its best people.
Animals
Sturgeon’s warning has proven true; the shifty, migrant chancer is trying to change the UK. So far, since getting here, he’s shown no regard for any of our traditions. That’s why he:
- Tried telling us diversity is ruining the country – despite being the offspring of migrants himself; being married to a migrant, and being a temporary migrant to the UK.
- Walked the prime minister around by the hand like a show pony.
- Accused the media of fake news for doing its job for once and accurately reporting what he said.
- Told Piers Morgan he’s a ‘journalist’, as opposed to a ‘sycophantic, turkey-faced bellend with the ignominious honour of being the one man too scummy for the British tabloids’.
https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/1018055454755258368
About the only tradition he upheld was acknowledging the protests against him made him feel “unwelcome”. No fucking shit, Sherlock. THEY WERE PROTESTING AGAINST YOU.
Cages
If we’d allowed this comb-over interloper to completely change our culture, we’d have detained him at the border, separated him from his children, and banged them all in a cage.
He doesn’t tell us to fear other cultures because he’s worried we’ll become like them, though. He does it because he’s worried we aren’t enough like him. A hateful, paranoid sociopath with all the charm, love, and humanity of a deflated basketball filled with rats.
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via Gage Skidmore – Flickr / Jeff Buck – Geograph [IMAGES WERE ALL ALTERED]
