Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt debated on 9 July. But who won? Well, as the Tory membership has already decided to go Johnson or go home – the winner was whoever avoided watching.
State of affairs
Hunt continued his strategy of answering as if every question was ‘what do the Tory membership want to hear?’ This meant responses like:
I’m… tough on crime? I’m tough on Iran? I’ll be firm with Trump? I’ll do whatever Trump wants? I’ll dress like a giant chicken and practice auto-erotic asphyxiation? I’ll cull squirrels to reduce TB in postmen? I’ll gentrify Hadrian’s wall?
Johnson, meanwhile, continued his strategy of not really needing a strategy because he’s already ‘won’. This meant answers like:
Well yes, I should probably something.
And:
Could somebody call me a taxi?
Off the hook
As both Johnson and Hunt have spent the last decade in and out of office, the two men could have faced questions like:
So the NHS is fucked. Why don’t you explain yourself, Hunt?
And:
So Garden Bridge was a load of old bollocks. Why don’t you explain yourself, Johnson?
Or:
So the country’s fucked. Have either of you two clowns considered just fucking off?
That they didn’t shows why the true winner of this debate was the people who didn’t watch.
Featured image via YouTube – Sky News
