Speaking in The Guardian, Tom Watson has been warning us all about THE EVER-PRESENT THREAT OF TROTSKYITES!
This is what Tom had to say:
We had a problem with Trots in the 1980s, but we managed to scare them out of the party by creating a fire-wall around us – a fire-wall which we set going by burning all our bridges with the mining unions.
The thing about your average Trot is that they can lay dormant for years at a time – much like the common flea. They awaken from these periods of hibernation when they sense the pulsing swell of a new social movement, and then they crawl out from under the floorboards where they’ve been hiding to find fresh victims.
Once out, they target politically naïve youngsters, and then they hypnotise them with their boring rhetoric so that they can regurgitate dangerous ideology into their semi-comatose ears.
I’ve also heard reports of Trots hanging around outside the schools – attempting to push their hard-left ideology on kids. Apparently they’re going about it exactly like how we said drug dealers conducted themselves in the 80s and 90s, only this time we’re not just making it up.
Honestly we’re not.
To reinforce how dangerous this dated rhetoric is, the Labour Party has created the following posters to bludgeon their point home.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IMAGES CONTAIN ADVANCED PHOTOSHOPPING!
And careers. Especially when you’ve based your career on fairness prevention.
You need to learn to stop worrying and love da bomb. By which I mean Tony Blair. Tony Blair who won three elections. Making him da electoral bomb. And also *COUGHS* illegally war-killed all those people to death *COUGHS COUGHS*
If your brain was on capitalism, you’d have three sausages and a great big hunk of bacon in there. I mean – you personally wouldn’t – but somebody definitely would. Although again – you technically, possibly could, and despite the fact that you almost certainly wouldn’t, things are at least set up so that you can pretend that maybe one day you might.
As deadly as they are spineless. Sh*t – does that even make sense? DOES ANY OF THIS SH*T WE’RE COMING OUT WITH EVEN MAKE SENSE!?!?
WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!? I mean – not about their futures or anything. Just think about them in a purely esoteric sense, and assume that our shrieking indicates danger – danger you need to extract your children from at all costs. And don’t think about foreign children either, because… we don’t always treat them so good. Probably shouldn’t have explicitly stated that, as now you are clearly thinking about them. Why are we even narrating these posters? I knew this was a bad idea, but then again all of our recent ideas have been terrible, and yet you still have to do something if you want to carry on getting paid.
Obviously our verbal and written propaganda isn’t doing the trick, so here’s a picture of some scary eyeballs, and now hopefully you all get the point? Hello? Did it work? … … … Why do we even bother? WE SLAVE OUR ARSES OFF ALL DAY WRITING TOP QUALITY SPIN TO PUT ON THE TABLE FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE, AND YOU JUST TURN YOUR NOSES UP AT IT AND GO WITH CORBYN AND HIS GODDAMN TRUTH! TELLING THE TRUTH IS EASY! DO YOU NOT GET THAT!? ANYONE CAN DO IT! I MEAN – NOT US AS WE’RE ALL PRETTY CROOKED, BUT… … …err… … … oh no.
Remember kids – WHINGERS DON’T TAKE DRUGS!
I mean socialism.
Whingers don’t take socialism.
Or is it winners don’t take socialism?
Although seeing as how Jeremy is about to win his second leadership contest, who can really say?
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